My first Bridezilla moment

Today, Wes and I went to the Bridal Extravaganza here in Lafayette.

...and I had my first "Bridezilla" moment, right when we walked out of the building.

bridezilla (bryd.ZIL.uh) n. A bride-to-be who, while planning her wedding, becomes exceptionally selfish, greedy, and obnoxious. Also: bride-zilla.

Why are we doing this anyway, I was thinking... Who cares if we spend thousands of dollars on a huge cake that has inedible flowers on it and tastes a little better than a twinkie? Why don't we spend the money on a trip to Europe? I could go to Madrid for a week instead of buying this cake!

Sure, the cake's nice-looking and all. But today, this entire charade was seeming so so so so so so stupid to me. I'm trying to get my PhD. I'm trying not only to do my dissertation, run the experiments, and get these studies published, all in time to graduate in MAY, not to mention all of the graduation hoops and paperwork aside from these actual experiments, not to mention all of the conferences all over the world that I have to make travel arrangements for, which might sound fun but can be a little stressful, and not to mention that I haven't found a set-in-stone job position for after I graduate... NOW I'M FEELING LIKE I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT CATERERS and Tents and chairs and cakes and invitations an parties. And I love parties, but I don't necessarily like throwing them. And I have no problem with spending money, but when I fork out a lot of cash for something, it dam*well be perfect, and worth the exuberant price.

I was thinking that whoever invented valentine's day must have also invented weddings so we could all throw our money at them in the name of doing something we are supposed to do.

I love Wes and certainly don't ever want to break up with him. But everyone who knows us already knows that. Do we have to pay a fortune to stand in a room with a bunch of flowers to (what?) prove it to anyone?

Do we have to make this official for some reason?

And if so, is that just because everyone else does?

I was short of breath walking to the car. I don't like planning stuff like this because I try to be too thorough when I get to it. I am an all-or-nothing girl. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to try to do it right. I don't think I fit the actual definition of "bridezilla" in the way it is defined above (I'm not trying to make everything about me). I'm trying too hard to please everyone else instead. Which is IMPOSSIBLE anyway. Here's my bridezilla problems:

• The $. I feel like I got raped if I get charged an arm and a leg for something crappy. And so many people think that just because they're in the wedding industry they can charge you a million dollars for a hundred toothpicks. "Because it's for your special day!"
• Compromising. I have no problem compromising with Wes. But when I am making a bunch of sacrifices for him and he keeps telling me that I can have whatever I want, and telling me that I always get what I want, I am going to get a little affronted. I wanted to elope about a year ago. But he wants to get married with all of our friends there. And he wants it to be in Lafayette. This means I am going to: 1) have to arrange it, mostly on my own (without his help - let's face it, no matter how involved the groom wants to be, the bride is putting on the show), and 2) I am going to be worried about this, no matter when we set the date, until the actual wedding - which means that I will have this in the back of my mind throughout my dissertation stressfulness.
• Planning. I have a few ideas about what I would like, and I actually think that these things will be fun. The colors I've chosen, the venues, the people I want to be there, the food I want served, and the drinks I want to provide. I just get stressed when people (like my mom) are like "are you sure you want that?" Then, in almost the same breath, "it's your day. You should do whatever you want." In our very limited conversations we've had about this planning, she has been pretty consistently inconsistent in her support of my decisions. I am pretty firm in the things that I have decided, but she seems to enjoy trying to talk me out of them and prying me to explain my rationale for them over and over again because even when I do painstakingly explain my reasoning to her, she forgets within 5 minutes. So the planning I don't mind. But coordinating the planning seems like it might become a pain in the butt.
• Saving Face. I don't want to look like or be called a bridezilla. If my mom starts doing that crap, I'm going to get angry. And anyone in a stressful situation with someone chattering in their ear like that would be a little pissed. It's not a bratty or bridezilla thing. It's a normal reaction. Same with the compromising with Wes thing. We should definitely both compromise and try to get the most of what both of us want, not only for our wedding day, but for our entire lives together. But an important part of that is recognizing when the other person has made a big sacrifice of their own wants for you. We are usually good about this, but this is even more important in an already high-stress and extreme-pressure situation. And again, if something like that were to happen, I might freak out about it. And it wouldn't be a bridezilla thing. It would be a normal reaction to be frustrated. And the money situation. We've already had to deal with this with the engagement ring, which our jeweler ordered a SIZE AND A HALF too large. That was our first wedding purchase, and we did it through a friend's father. I have already decided that we will not be dealing with anyone we know personally because when they mess up, you don't feel like you have as much leverage or right to complain to them. I am so disappointed that he didn't do that right. I had to wait two weeks before I could wear my engagement ring properly. And that's the time you want to show it off - right when you get it, and I had to wear a band aid on it. Not really a big deal. I didn't freak out or cry or yell at anyone. But if we think that this thing is important enough to spend a couple month's salary on it, then I think it's important enough for the person we hire to make sure that he orders the right size!
  

When we got home from the bridal extravaganza, I told Wes that I want to be in love forever. But I don't want to get married. And that we should travel around the world for a few months with our best friends instead of wasting money on chairs for people to sit in and cakes that taste like shit and djs that play crappy music for some boring tradition. I put my engagement ring on its holder and went to our bedroom to sulk.

Weddings are stupid.

I called Mother Mary into the room to talk me back down to Earth. I told her I think I had a panic attack at the not so extravagant Extravaganza. And she did. She and Jack convinced me:

1. Marriage is important spiritually
2. it is convenient legally (taxes, purchases, loans, etc)
3. it's fun to party at the reception
4. it's your day so you can cut out the parts that stress you out - e.g., I don't even have to have a freaking cake! and I could only have parents, grandparents and siblings at the ceremony!
   
5. no one's feelings are going to get hurt as long as they're invited to the very fun reception
6. it's good to have people who love us witness us professing our love to each other even though everyone already knows because it will help to create a foundation for our families that we can look back on in about 50 years.
7. we haven't set a date yet, so I can focus on school now and not worry about the wedding until I'm ready to.
8. Wes and I can make lists of what is important to each of us so we know when we're planning everything who wants what and why and what we're going to do about all of it.
9. The party is back on! We are going to do it! And I think I might not freak out like this girl:

Notice that her "friends" solution is "get the Champagne" - yeah, get the neurotic freaking out bride drunk. That'll help!
I hope my wedding party will be a little better than those b*tches at keeping me grounded and *happy*!