Superman's pajamas


Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors


Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris has a concealed weapon license in all 50 states



Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris has a concealed weapon license in all 50 states to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar. His shirts get erections from touching his body.

Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Why there are ghosts


Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rain story

Flash fiction is the perfect way to read for our attention-less no-time society. All stories under 1,000 words. What's everyone so busy doing, anyway, that no one has time to read a damned book? Well, here's a super short story, you lazy bastard.

It is raining again. I need groceries. I have work later, but I can't go out. I'm made of sugar. You think that's funny? You've never been caught in a light drizzle and felt your face melt. I have. It's hideous. Nose dripping into chin, eyes drooping, one twice the size of the other. Nothing to do but bake a new one. Laugh. You think it's funny. Mom told me, life isn't always sweet. Not always.
--CL Bledsoe


Via.

animated gifs from Library of Congress photos

Kevin J Wier makes animated gifs using old photographs from the library of congress flickr account. ...